Understanding Your Inner World: How Internal Family Systems Can Help

Therapy Hot Topic: Internal Family Systems

If you've spent any time looking at mental health content on social media recently, you may have come across Internal Family Systems (IFS), sometimes called 'parts work'. It's become increasingly popular, but what is it and why might it be useful?

As an integrative counsellor, I have a particular interest in IFS and have undertaken training with the IFS Institute. Far from being the latest hot topic or a fad I find it offers a compassionate and accessible way of understanding ourselves, and it's an approach I draw on in my work with clients alongside other therapeutic models.

IFS was developed in the 1980s by family therapist Richard Schwartz, who noticed that clients often described different, sometimes conflicting, parts of themselves. He began exploring how these parts interact, much like a family, and how understanding them with compassion can support healing. Hence the idea that we all have an internal family of parts.

We All Have Different Parts

Have you ever felt pulled in two directions?

Perhaps part of you wants to make a change while another feels anxious about it. You might be confident at work but insecure in relationships. Or one part of you wants to please everyone while another feels frustrated about always putting others first.

IFS suggests that we all have different 'parts', each with its own feelings, beliefs and ways of responding to life.

One of its central ideas, which I particularly like, is that there are no bad parts.

Even the parts we struggle with, such as our inner critic, anger or anxiety, may be trying to protect us. These responses often developed through our earlier experiences and relationships. They may have helped us cope at the time, even if they're making life more difficult today.

Understanding Our Internal System

IFS helps us get a clearer picture of our internal world and how our different parts interact.

For example, one part might push us to achieve, another worries about failing, while another feels exhausted by the pressure.

Rather than seeing these as unrelated feelings, we can begin to understand how they work together, what they're trying to protect and why they show up.

How I Use IFS in Counselling

In my work with clients, I find that parts work can offer a useful way of exploring experiences that might otherwise feel confusing or difficult to explain.

For example, someone might recognise a critical part that pushes them to achieve, alongside another part that feels they are never quite good enough. Giving these different experiences some space can help us become curious about them rather than immediately trying to change them.

This can be particularly helpful when exploring anxiety, self-criticism, relationship difficulties and patterns of behaviour that seem hard to shift.

We might start by noticing when a particular part appears, what it feels like and what it might be trying to protect. Gradually, we can build a better understanding of the whole system.

As with all my counselling work, this is collaborative and guided by what feels right for you.

Understanding Rather Than Fixing

What I value most about IFS is that it encourages us to approach ourselves with curiosity rather than judgement.

The aim isn't to get rid of the parts we don't like, but to understand why they're there and develop a different relationship with them.

Sometimes, understanding why we respond the way we do can be the beginning of meaningful change.

Where to start with IFS

A good place to start with IFS is simply to become curious about the different parts of yourself. Notice when you feel pulled in different directions, become self-critical, anxious or react strongly to something. Rather than judging these feelings or trying to push them away, pause and ask yourself: What part of me is showing up right now? What might it be feeling, and what is it trying to protect me from?

How we work with IFS in counselling

In counselling, we can explore these parts together, gradually building a clearer picture of your internal system and how the different parts interact. We might discover how certain ways of coping developed through earlier experiences and relationships, and whether they're still helpful today. There's no need to rush or force anything. The aim is to develop a more compassionate understanding of yourself and create space for new ways of responding.